Fate and All That Comes With It
by runner813
Summary: Have you ever wondered where you would be if you made a left rather than a right?  Or if you zigged instead of zagged?  Do you believe that no matter what, life takes us where we're meant to be?  A MerDer tale from the beginning
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Ok, I finally got the site to let me add this. So, I'm back...finally...hehe...anyway, my new fic is mer/der...of course, and starts from the beginning. it will be a little slow the first few chapters, laying the foundation, but stick with me...i promise it will be an amazing ride. 

**Seattle – 1985**

"Mommy! Mommy!" I called, as I ran into her bedroom as fast as my seven year-old feet could carry me. I pushed the door open to reveal a comforter covered lump in my mother's bed. "Mommy! You're home!" I yell, rushing in and launching myself onto the lump, earning a grunt from below me as I land.

"Meredith, what did I tell you about knocking on the door?"

"That I should knock before entering."

"Right."

"I _did_ knock mommy, you didn't answer."

"Which meant I didn't want you to come in."

"Oh…" I said softly. "I'm sorry."

"It's ok," she told me, wrapping her arms around me in an awkward hug. "You just missed me, right?"

"Yeah," I told her quietly. "We're going on a field trip to the zoo on Friday," I said, my previous excitement returning. "And…and they opened the new playground at the park." I finished, beginning to bounce again.

"Meredith…Meredith…" she tried to say, but I was already too excited.

"And Marika said she would take me today. Do you want to go? Please go mommy, please? It will be a lot of fun."

Before she could answer, Marika's shadow appeared in the doorway. A look of horror crossed her face when she saw the scene in front of her. "Sorry Ms. Grey, I tried to catch her." She said nervously.

"It's fine Marika, just…just get her out of here."

"Come on Princess Meri," Marika said, taking my hand, "let's go see this park you tell me about."

"But mommy," I said, my voice trailing off as Marika led me out of the room.

"She's resting sweetie," she responds as she gently shuts the door, "Why don't you get your shoes, and we can walk to the park. Maybe we can stop for ice cream on the way."

"Really?" I ask wide-eyed

"Really, really."

We finally arrived at the park an hour later, ice cream in hand, to find it swarmed with kids. "Wow…" I said, letting out a long breath as we stood at the gate.

"Do you want to go in?" Marika asked me, looking down. "We can go home if you want and I will bring you back when it's less crowded."

I looked away from Marika toward the playground, watching the swarm of kids running around and yelling, and then back to Marika, "Yeah," I replied, a smile crossing my face.

"Ok," she said, smiling back at me, "I'll be right over there," she told me in a calm, caring voice, as she gestured to benches where other parents were gathering, "if you need anything."

"Ok," I told her, excited and the smile never leaving my face as I rushed off to join the other kids.

My eyes darted to the swings and I saw a few empty ones, so I immediately rushed over. I had always loved swings, they made me feel like I was flying. By the time I got there, the empty ones were taken, so I leaned against the pole, waited my turn, and took in the scene around me. I was still in awe of all the people. I hadn't even seen anyone I recognized.

Until I turned back to the swings and saw a boy from my school, "Hi Derek," I called.

"Hi," he replied, cocking his head to the side, as if he was trying to place me. "Want to swing?" He asked as he dragged his feet on the ground.

"Ok," I responded shyly. I walked over to him, careful not to get hit by any of the other swings and sat down, frowning when I realized my feet didn't touch the ground. "Maybe not," I told him, looking up at him from the swing.

"I could push you," he told me.

"Really?"

"Really, really." He said, flashing me a smile I'd never seen anywhere else.


	2. Derek  1993

A/N: not sure if this posted with the last one or not...so if youve already read the note, just disregard :) this is a mer/der tale from the beginning. it will be a little slow as i lay the foundation, but i promise it will be a ride. this chapter is derek's pov and theyre 15/16ish...der's driving so hes about 16. mer's about 6mo. younger, so shes 15, but theyre both in the same high school class for the sake of my stoy. 

**Seattle – 1993**

"I just…I don't know man. I don't know anymore. I…I've tried everything." My best friend Justin says as we're on our way to snowboard. "I just…I just don't get her. I wish I did. I want to. But I don't know anymore. I want her so bad. I just feel like she doesn't want me."

I took my eyes off the road for a few moments to look at Justin. God, he looked heart broken, but I didn't know what to say. What do you say to your best friend to help him fix his relationship with the girl you want more than anything. The girl who just seems so unbelievably perfect, you can't believe you didn't notice her before.

"Derek? Derek? Have you heard a word I said?"

"Um..yeah. Just…uh…I don't know. She's…she's Meredith. I don't know what to tell you. She seems pretty great to me."

"She is pretty great. She just…she's always with her friends and she's at work and she…I just I don't know. I'd like to do more than kiss her at some point."

I take a deep breath and swallow at his last comment. I can't get over how bad it hurts to think of someone touching Mer. Mer…who am I to call her that? She's not my girlfriend, nor has she ever been. But God, how did I not notice her before. She's beautiful, and funny, and carefree, and just, just Mer.

"Derek? Derek? You're zoning out again. I…I need to know what to do."

"Umm…well…" I stutter. "Justin, I…I…I'm not sure. She's Meredith. She's beautiful and funny and smart. You know her father left when she was five, right?" I asked, slightly afraid that I was sharing personal information.

"Yeah," he replied. "So?"

"So it defines a lot of who she is." I told him. "She doesn't trust people easily, especially men. You're her first boyfriend. Unfamiliar territory. She's probably scared."

"Hell yeah," he told me as he laughed. "You should have seen her the first time I ran a hand up her shirt. And when she looked down to see herself exposed…"

"Justin," I said sternly, "more than I need to know." I really, really didn't want to hear about anyone running their hands up Meredith's shirt, much less taking it off. I gripped the steering wheel until my knuckles turned white before responding. "All I'm saying is that you need to be considerate. Hang out with her and her friends. I know they've practically been her family. Her mother is never around, her father left, she needs to feel like you're her friend, like she can turn to you. Be her friend first."

"But I love her. And I…I want to show her."

"You want to have sex." I say definitively. I try to hide the hurt in my voice, because again, I don't want to think about someone doing that to Meredith.

"No," he assures me, "not just that. I love her. I want to physically love her."

"You need to emotionally love her first." I tell him.

"I do."

"She doesn't see it that way."

"How can she not?"

"When was the last time you called to say hello? Just because you wanted to hear her voice? Or hung out with her and a group of friends?"

"I don't like her friends."

"They come with the territory man," I tell him. I hear him sigh, and he's quiet for the rest of the ride.

Once we arrive at the ski resort, he heads off with another group of friends. While part of me is sorry that I lost him, a bigger part of me is happy that he's gone. I just…I don't know. I've known Meredith forever and she's been a great friend. It just doesn't seem like Justin's intentions are honest and I'm not sure what to do about it.

"Derek?' A soft voice pulls me from my thoughts. I turn around and am face to face with a dinosaur ski hat. I look down and my blue eyes meet gorgeous green ones.

"Hey Meredith," I say, wishing I could wrap my arms around her and drop my lips to hers.

"Want to ski with me?" she asks.

"Ummm….yeah…ok." I tell her nervously.

"Great!" she says, as a smile crosses her face but doesn't reach her eyes.

"Are you ok Mer?" I ask.

"Yeah," she says as we make our way towards the lift.

"Are you sure?" I ask, once we're on the lift, headed up the slope.

"Yes…No…I don't know."

"You want to talk about it?" I ask her, knowing she doesn't let many people in.

"No…I…I don't know. It's Justin," she says with a sigh. "I just don't know anymore. I thought I liked him. But, he…he…"

"What is it Mer?"

"I don't know. He's….he's him maybe? He doesn't want to hang out with me, he doesn't ever do anything nice, he yells at me, he's not here right now, I just…I don't know what to do. I just want to cry."

Sitting on the chair lift listening to her talk, to her try and hold the tears in, I just don't know what to do. My heart is breaking for her.

"Oh Mer," I say, wrapping an arm around her, "it will be ok, you know that, right? At this point, you need to decide. You need to do what's right for you. I'm not even sure that Justin cares, he just wants to know."

I bite the insides of my lip as the last sentence crosses my lips. Because I know Justin wants her. But if I tell her that, she'll stay with him just to please him, because she's Meredith and she wants to make everyone happy, everyone but herself. And right now, all I want is for her to be happy. Happy with me, happy with Justin, happy alone, I just….I want her to be happy.


	3. Meredith 1994

i got another one done :) this moves ahead to spring of the same year as the last one. i hope you enjoy! 

**Seattle – 1994**

"Did you find a prom date yet Mer?"

"No," I mumbled softly, not needing to be reminded that prom was two weeks away and I still didn't have a date.

"What are you going to do? You can't not go…and you can't go alone, you'll regret it for the rest of your life. You shouldn't have broken up with Justin. He was good for you."

"I highly doubt that Addie, I'm pretty sure that in five years, I might not even remember prom. And I was not going to stay with Justin for a prom date. And he was not good for me. All he wanted was to get in my pants."

"Mer, letting him in your pants wouldn't necessarily have been a bad thing."

"Maybe I'll just stay home." I continued, ignoring her last comment. "My mom won't be there, but I'm sure a bottle of Tequila will be."

"Can we do after prom at your house? Please Mer? Please?" Addison begged.

"I don't know Ad, if my mom found out…" I replied, my voice trailing off.

"It will be small, I promise. And we'll find you a date…and a bedroom."

"Fine," I said caving in, not missing the smile on Addison's face as she jumped on me. "Hold on!" I said to her, pushing her off me. "A few conditions first, one, it will stay small, us, our dates, and a few other friends. That's it. And two, I am not doing anything with anyone that involves a bedroom. Got it?"

"Got it." She told me, still glowing at the thought of the throwing the perfect after prom. As she walked away, I couldn't help but wonder exactly what I had gotten myself into. I sighed, turned around, and headed to history, thoughts of prom still weighing heavily on my mind. Would someone ask me? Did anyone even want to ask me? I had never really thought of myself as pretty, but I was ok looking. Maybe I should take that freshman boy who had been following me around the past few weeks. Before I could contemplate any further, a jolt of pain shot through my toe and sent me crashing back to earth.

"Ouch!" I yelled, looking down to my sandaled foot just in time to see blood start to trickle.

"Oh Mer! I'm so sorry," I hear before I lift my head and my eyes drown in a sea of blue. "Are you alright?"

I look back down to my foot and wince slightly at the sight of the cracked nail. "Yeah," I manage to let out. "I'm fine Derek."

"No you're not. You at least need a band-aid. Give me your books, I'll walk you down to the nurse."

"I'm fine Derek. And we have to get to class." I say, trying to make my way around him, but wincing in pain as soon as I stepped on my foot.

"Again, you are not fine. And what do you need to go to class that badly for? AP tests were last week, and I know from studying with you, you aced it."

I looked down to my toe again, and then up at Derek, knowing I had lost this battle. I sighed, pretending to be annoyed and handed him my books.

"I knew you'd see it my way," he told me, smiling and cocking his head to the side. I couldn't help but smile back. I had known him and his smile for most of my life, but why it seemed to render me so powerless right now, I don't know.

I was expecting him to take my books and escort me down to the nurse, what I didn't expect was my arm being slung over his shoulders and an arm tightly fixed against my waist.

"Derek, what the…"

"Shh. Let's go. Don't put anymore pressure on that then is necessary, it looks pretty deep, I don't want it to open any more. I am so sorry Mer. I just…I was rushing to class, and…"

"Derek, it's fine. I'm still breathing. And it's good to know I'm not the only one who doesn't want to be late."

I leaned into him and let him guide me down the hall. There was something about him that just seemed so comforting. A soft scent maybe, I couldn't put my finger on it. I just knew it felt like home. Breathing him in deeply was almost enough to forget the steady throb in my foot, almost.

"Mer," I heard as he shook me gently, "Meredith?" I broke out of my trance and looked up at him. "We're here," he said, pointing to the door of the nurse's office.

"Oh, yeah," I said softly, attempting to move out of his grasp.

"Hold on, I've gotten you this far, I'm going to take you all the way."

"Oh, ok," I told him as we walked through the door.

"What happened to you?" Nurse Williams asked from behind her desk.

"I stepped on her," Derek said quickly, "it was an accident."

"Sure Romeo," she replied, not noticing the blush on both of our faces. And then looked at me, "you're lucky track season is over missy. I'm sure Coach Becker would love to have this keep her star runner out."

"I'm fine." I tell her, "I just need a band-aid."

"I'll be the judge of that," Nurse Williams said, "Derek, help her up on that table and I'll take a look."

At this point, Derek had put our books down, so rather than help me walk to the table, he just picked me up and carried me across the room.

"Derek!" I squealed as he set me down.

"Relax." He told me gently.

"Alright, let's see." Nurse Williams said as she slid over and grabbed a stool. She slid my sandal off gently, but I still flinched. She didn't notice, but Derek did. Before I knew what was happening, he took my hand in his.

"I'm sorry Mer," he said softly. I just nodded my head and looked down, watching Nurse Williams examine my foot.

"Well, it looks superficial. You don't need stitches, and it's not broken. The nail might fall off, but it looks like it's just cracked. You'll be dancing in time for prom I'm sure."

"Yeah…prom…" I mumbled softly.

No one said a word while she finished cleaning up my toe. My eyes watered and I bit the inside of my lip when she poured the hydrogen peroxide over it. Derek noticed this and wrapped his left arm around me and reached over and took my right hand in his right hand. I let out a breath I hadn't known I was holding once the gauze was wrapped and taped down.

"All set," she said. "I'm just going to clean this off," she told me, picking up my bloodied flip-flop.

"Oh…thanks."

"Feel better?" Derek asked, now standing in front of me.

"Yeah," I said, the only thing making me sad was the loss of contact with him. I'm pretty sure I'd take a cut on my toe everyday if it meant Derek would wrap his arms around me.

"I'm so sorry. I just…I feel bad. Prom is so close and I hope you can still go and dance and have fun."

"Yeah, that," I said, hoping he'd drop it. I really didn't want to tell my friend who'd been nominated for Prom King that I was too much of a loser to have a date.

"You are going, aren't you?" he asked.

"I don't know."

"If I have to go, you have to go." He told me.

"Yeah, well, we can't all be nominated for Prom King with dates falling at our heels."

"Here you go my dear," Nurse Williams interrupted, handing me my shoe.

"Thank you," I told her, carefully sliding the sandal back on my foot.

"No, we can't all be nominated and not have a date." He replied once Nurse Williams had left us for another student.

"You don't have a date?" I asked as he helped me hop off the table.

"Nope," he said, handing me my books.

"Do you…" I began as we walked out into the hall, "Do you want to go together?" I asked him softly.

"ummm, ok." He said with a strange smile, as if he was shocked by my invitation. The shock was quickly replaced with the tilted head smile and my knees immediately felt weak.

"And there's this party after, I guess…at my house. Something…I don't know. Addison is throwing it together….and you probably don't want to go, but if you do or you just want to keep me company…"

"Mer," he said, placing his hands on my shoulders, "you're rambling. And I'd love to."

"Oh…Oh," I said again, realizing he had just agreed to go. "Well, I'm going to go…go to Math…so I'll…I'll see you later?"

"Yeah, later," he said with a smile before turning around and heading in the opposite direction. "And Mer?" he called over his shoulder.

"Yeah?"

"Keep that foot up. I want to be able to dance with you."


	4. Derek  1994

A/N: this might be it for a few days...i have a marathon this weekend and my family is coming out to see me, so ill have limited time on the computer, but i will try. thank you for all the reviews...they make my day!! i hope you enjoy! 

**Seattle – 1994**

I nervously wrung my hands as I waited for someone to open the Grey's door. Why I was so nervous was beyond me, this was Meredith. Meredith who I've known since I was a little kid, the girl I pushed on the swing, the girl I rode the ski lift with, the girl I cheered on at track meets. But lately, things were different. She was…she was Meredith and she was gorgeous and funny and….and I wanted her. Really wanted her, but, but loved…yikes?! I love her!? I loved her enough to want to be with her however she would let me.

"Derek? Derek?" The voice or Marika, Meredith's nanny turned housekeeper jarred me out of my thoughts.

"Hi Marika," I managed to stutter.

"Come in, Sir. Ms. Grey will be down in just a moment."

I nodded my head as I glanced around the house. The foyer and the downstairs looked spotless, it was hard to believe that anyone, much less a teenage girl lived there. I thought back to my house, where five teenagers lived, and how lived in and loved it felt, I felt bad for Mer, her house seemed so, cold.

Before I had time to think of anything else, a creak from the staircase caught my attention and I looked up just in time to watch Meredith descend them. She…she took my breath away. She wore a gorgeous two-piece white gown. It was an A-line chiffon white skirt that shimmered as she stepped, paired with a strapless top that had a silver beaded design. Two inches of her perfect stomach were exposed, save for the transparent piece of material that covered it. On her feet were a pair of silver wedges. She was…she was perfect…amazing…gorgeous.

"Hi Derek," she said once she reached the bottom of the stairs. "This is for you," she told me as she handed me a boutonniere.

"Thanks." I managed to get out as her hands reached for my jacket, pinning the flower on. "This is for you," I told her once she was done, taking the little flower I had brought her out of its case.

"Thank you," she said with an innocent smile, holding out her wrist so I could slide it on. I couldn't help but wish it were a ring I was sliding on a certain finger on a certain hand. But for now, I would take whatever I could get of her.

"Ready?" I asked her. I really wanted a picture, but didn't want to push the issue, as I knew Dr. Grey wasn't here to do the dotting mom thing, and that had to be killing Meredith.

"Ready," she said, smiling up at me.

"Just a minute you two," we heard from behind us. "Just one picture," Marika said, pushing us together.

When I wrapped my arms around Meredith and felt hers do the same, I was in heaven. And I was so glad Marika was here, even if Dr. Grey wasn't. At least Meredith had two of us that cared.

"Thanks Marika," Meredith said, taking my hand as we turned for the door.

"Have fun tonight kids." Marika said with a smile.

Later that night, holding her in my arms as we danced together, I didn't think life could get more perfect.

"Are you having fun?" Meredith asked, looking up at me.

"I am," I told her smiling.

"Good." She replied, smiling back at me. "Dinner was fun," she continued. "I'm glad we decided to go with Mark and Jess. Mark's hilarious."

"That he is. Sorry you didn't get to see Addison."

"Eh, she'll be over later, and lately, there's only so much I can take of her. Jess seemed pretty cool, she mentioned hanging out this weekend. That would be fun, I need more friends."

"Just don't dye your hair pink again," I told her, twirling a soft tendril around my fingers. "It's much prettier this way."

She giggled, "That was merely for my mother's benefit. To piss her off."

"Did it work?"

"Might have," she replied, "if she was home long enough to notice," she finished softly.

I pulled her closer to me with the intent of apologizing, but before I could open my mouth Addison and her date of the moment were slamming into us.

"Mer!" she yelled.

"Hey, Addie," Mer said, sounding somewhat disappointed that our moment had been broken.

"Mer, this is Matt." She said, gesturing to the boy she was dancing with.

"Matt?" Mer said, "What happened to Kyle?"

"He's an ass. So now I'm with Matt."

"Oh…right," Mer told her, as if Addison made perfect sense.

"We're still on for tonight? Right?"

Meredith looked at me and then at Addison, then back again before sighing. "Yeah, we're still on."

"Don't sound so excited. Don't worry, Mer, you'll still get to have sex."

"Addison," she groaned, turning bright red.

"Come on," I said, "Let's go get a drink."

"I…I'm so sorry Derek. She…I don't know. And I…I.." I silenced her with a finger to her lips.

"It's ok Mer. It's Addison. She's being….Addison."

I handed Meredith a glass of punch and poured one for myself, we stood together and enjoyed them, just chatting and enjoying each other's company.

"Last dance," I said once she had visibly relaxed, "want to get one more in?" I asked her, hoping she would say yes, I really just wanted an excuse to hold her.

"Ok," she said, taking my hand and leading me to the dance floor.

"Tonight was amazing," Meredith said from her living room floor, where she had been laying for the past hour.

"It only gets more amazing later on." Addison replied from her position on the floor next to Mer.

Meredith just ignored Addison's comment, as she had been all night. I wanted to ask Addison when Meredith's dating life became her business, but not wanting to stir up trouble, I bit my tongue. Meredith's party had turned out as small as she wanted, just her and I and Addison and Matt, John, Tom….exactly who she was with was beyond me and since he was passed out on the couch, it didn't matter. And finally Mark and Jess, our dinner partners.

"Mark," Jess said quietly, "We should get going, I have to be home soon."

"Ok my dear," Mark said, taking her hand as he stood up from the couch. "We're going to take off guys. And Mer, you're right, tonight was amazing."

Meredith moved to get up and let them out, but I stopped her. "You stay here," I told her, "I'll let them out."

"Thanks Der," she said with a smile.

"Der?" I heard Addison mutter. "You are so going to get with him, aren't you? It's prom and he's hot…" her voice trailed off in drunken slur.

"Addie," I heard Meredith say back, "it's not all about that. I…we…"

"You want him to take you upstairs, don't you? Don't deny it." Was the first thing I heard as I came back in after seeing Jess and Mark off.

"Addie, please," Mer begged, I could tell she was uncomfortable.

"Come on," I said, gently taking hold of her hand and pulling her to her feet, "Let's go upstairs."

She turned to look at me, eyes wide with shock, but I dragged her anyway. Once I had her on the stairs, it dawned on me why she had looked so scared. I looked back at her to see her biting her lip and what looked like a tear making its way down her cheek.

"Oh Mer," I said, pulling her into a hug as we reached the top of the stairs. "I would never hurt you," I told her, brushing the lone tear away with my thumb. "Or force you to do anything you didn't want."

Her eyes met mine and she slowly nodded her head. "Sorry, I just…upstairs…and prom and Addie, and…yeah…" She rambled, her voice trailing off.

"Addie's been obnoxious all night, I thought you could use a break. That's why I brought you up here. We can talk or sleep or you can sleep and I can leave or…."

"You're rambling. That's my thing," she told me as I looked at her sheepishly. "Come on," she said, taking my hand, "we can go talk or something."

"Thank you." She said once we were both situated on her bed, both laying against the abundance of pillows gracing the bed.

"What for?" I asked, taking in her after prom look, sweats and a t-shirt, and her hair had long since come down, but I still thought she was absolutely gorgeous.

"For tonight, for Prom, for dinner, for getting me away from Addison. I'm sorry she's been…her all night."

"Anytime," I told her, tilting my head and flashing her a smile. "And I hope you know that I meant what I said before." She only looked at me questioningly. "That I would never hurt you, ever. And I would never force you to do anything you weren't ready for."

"Thank you." She said as her eyes filled with tears.

"Mer? Are you ok? Did…did something happen?" I gulped at the thought, and prayed that nothing had.

"No, no, nothing like that," she said, "That…that was just the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me."

I smiled at her, and wanted to tell her that she deserved to hear nice things like that all the time and that anyone she's dating should care that much about her, but she bit her lip as a few pieces of hair fell into her face. Then, before I could stop it, my hand was reaching over to tuck a stray piece of hair behind her ear. She smiled at me softly and I couldn't wait anymore. I had to kiss her. I leaned in a little closer to her and paused with my lips hovering just above hers. I felt her soft breath on my lips just before I covered her lips with mine.

And that is when I lost all sense of reality. I felt like the world was spinning, like when I was a kid and would put my arms out, lean my head back, and spin around as fast as I could, I really didn't think anything could feel better. Until I felt her tongue slide into my mouth and touch mine. Then, then time seemed to stop.

"Wow…" she uttered as we pulled away.

"Yeah," I barely managed. "Mer?" I asked softly, sitting up and running a nervous hand through my hair. "Will you….I mean, I know we're leaving for college soon….but would you want to…will you…will you go out with me?" I finally finished rambling.

"Are you asking me to be your girlfriend?" she asked. I nodded my head. "Ok," she said with a small smile.

Once she said that, I let out a breath I hadn't known I was holding, and then I leaned down and kissed her again.

"I should…I should go," I said, once the kiss broke.

"No," she said, laying a hand on my arm. "Stay."

"Ok." I told her as I lied back down pulling her into my arms. I placed a chaste kiss on her forehead as I whispered, "Goodnight Mer."

Cradling her against me as she slept, I realized that life could get more perfect than dancing. This, I thought as I drifted off as well, this was perfection.


	5. Meredith  Graduation

a/n: sorry for the delay...i forgot i was going away for work all last week as well...but anyway, im back :) this is the last background chapter...i think. things should start to move now... and this is rated K+...i tried to keep it tame, but if it should be M, let me know...i dont want to go to fic jail... enjoy!! 

**Seattle – 1994**

My head turned to the back of the auditorium as I heard the door creak once again. I felt Derek's hand squeeze mine as I turned back around once I realized it wasn't her.

"She'll be here," he whispered into my ear as our principal stood to take the podium.

"Like she was for my ballet recital when I was five? Or all of my track meets, or hell, even my state meet?"

Derek didn't respond, but instead, wrapped an arm around me and pulled me closer to him. "I'm here, my family is here, Marika's here, and we all love you Mer," he whispered. "I know you want her here, she should be here, but, you are loved."

"Thanks Der, I needed that," I told him, grabbing his hand and squeezing it.

We sat like that, his hand squeezing mine in silent reassurance, as Principal Watkins made his speech and I continually turned around to face the back of the auditorium.

"And now, I present, the valedictorian of Seattle High School Class of 1994, Meredith Grey."

I rose to my feet at Principal Watkins' words amongst the cheers of my class and all their families. I looked down to Derek and got one more smile of encouragement, then over to Marika, who was clapping her hands excitedly. As I walked toward the podium, I realized I had the support of half the city, my substitute mother, and the love of my life, however, at that moment, none of that mattered, the only support I wanted was the one I didn't have.

Hours later, once speeches had been completed, diplomas handed out, and tassels turned, I crept in the door of my house.

"And where have you been young lady?" I heard over my shoulder just as the door clicked shut. I turned around and was face to face with my mother. "Out with that boy I suppose," she said, looking over my shoulder and out the window to see Derek pulling out of the driveway. "You can say goodbye to your future if he gets you pregnant Meredith. You can bet that he won't stick around and God knows I won't."

"Graduation." I told her, "and then the after party. Not that you remembered." I told her, trying to stay strong.

"Meredith, we've been through this, I save lives. I have important things to do, things that don't include a high school graduation. In a year, it won't even matter to you. If you screw up with that boy it will be years before anything can matter to you again."

"Mom! I…we're…it's not like that."

"You better not be. I did not raise you to be ordinary Meredith."

"I graduated first in my class, mom…" I told her, but was interrupted by the sound of her pager.

"Meredith, I have to…"

"Go. It's fine," I told her, "I'm used to it by now."

"I probably won't be home until sometime tomorrow afternoon. We'll do breakfast then…or something…lunch. You pick."

"Yeah," I said sadly as my head dropped to the ground. "I'll see you when you get home…whenever that is," I told her as I made my way up the stairs, trying desperately to keep the tears in until I reached the sanctuary of my room. I heard a soft, I'm sorry, just as I reached my room and before I heard the door downstairs click shut.

Sorry? I thought, she's always sorry. She was sorry about my ballet recital and sorry about the track meets, and prom, and she might as well be sorry about graduation too. I fell on to the bed and let the tears fall until I didn't think I had any left. Once I had calmed down, I changed into a tank and sweatpants, and pulled out my cell phone.

"Hey honey," Derek answered on the first ring. His voice was enough to cause the tears to fall again. "Mer?" He asked. "Meredith?"

"Der," I said, "Derek, can you come over?"

"Oh Mer," he said, my tears falling freely now, "I'm on my way."

In what seemed like hours, but was more like ten minutes, Derek was walking through the door to my room, and taking me into his arms. "Shhh….it's ok, Mer, I'm here." Derek whispered softly.

"Derek…" I whimpered softly.

"She forgot, didn't she?"

I tried to answer, but all I could do was nod my head as another fit of tears took over. "Oh Mer," he said, pulling me against him tighter. "I'm so sorry honey, so sorry." He repeated, over and over again as he rocked me.

"Thank you," I whispered once the tears had subsided, "for being here."

"There isn't anywhere I'd rather be," he told me, as he covered my lips with his own. Our kiss was gentle at first, but quickly became more heated. Soon we had shifted positions and we lay, side by side, my body half covered by his. We continued to kiss and his tongue had found its way into my mouth, massaging mine.

I felt my body arch into his as I moaned softly. I had never experienced this before and my head was spinning with the new feelings. I felt his hands slide up the back of my shirt and run down the skin of my back. I gasped in both wonder and surprise.

"Is this ok?" Derek asked, breaking our kiss. I nodded my head in response as his hands slid further up until they reached my shoulders. "Oh Mer," he let out as he rolled on top of me, coming to rest between my legs. "You…you're not wearing…a bra." He gasped.

"Der," I moaned, arching into him once again, feeling his arousal pushing against me. "Wait…we…"

"Shh…" He said, kissing me gently. "We won't, I promise."

"Ok," I said softly, looking down noticing that the white tank I had on left little to the imagination.

"You're beautiful, Mer." He told me, kissing me again. "Is this ok?" He asked as his hands slid up around the sides of my rib cage.

I nodded, part with nervousness, part with excitement of what was to come. He leaned down and kissed me again as his hands made their way to the bottom of my breasts. As his fingertips grazed me, I arched into him again, wanting more, but unsure of exactly what.

"Ohh…" I moaned softly as his hands cupped my breasts softly. I felt his fingers begin to do wonderful things and I moaned again. I had only been touched like this a handful of times, and never had it felt this good. "Oh Derek…."

"Mer," he said softly, kissing me again. I felt his hands slide to the bottom of my shirt and I whimpered at the loss of contact. "Shh…just a minute." He said, and then I felt his hands lift the tank away. Once my shirt had been tossed to the side, his gaze fell back on me and I instantly felt self-conscious. "God Mer, you're so beautiful," he told me, as if he could read my mind.

He bent down to kiss me again, this time, lavishing my cheeks and neck with kisses before going lower. His lips gently began to suck on my shoulders and clavicle, and then reaching down to my breasts. I felt myself nearly launch off the bed when his lips closed over a nipple. As his lips continued their work on my chest, his hand grazed my lower stomach, my thighs.

Later, as we continued to cuddle, his hand brushed against my cheek and he kissed me again. "You're amazing, Meredith, and don't let anyone make you feel differently."

"Thank you," I said, cuddling further into him, wanting to tell him that I loved him, but too afraid to say so.

"I love you Meri," he whispered as I began to drift to sleep.

"I…I love you too, Derek," I replied, shifting to kiss him before falling asleep.


	6. Summer Loving, part I

a/n: sorry to be away for so long...i unexpectedly went out of town this weekend...but was able to write this on the plane. its dereks pov...and its really important for a couple of reasons. remember, derek is a teenage boy...and mer, well, mer is love struck... read, love, review...and its my birthday, so i especially love reviews today :) and for whatever reason, the format has gone crazy...there is a line break between where derek goes to sleep...and the part with megan...and mer's birthday, but it wont let me put them in. 

**Seattle – 1994 – Summer Love, part I**

I swallowed hard as I hit the silence button on my phone once again. I was honestly ready to throw it across the room, and I wasn't even really sure why. A month ago, we had been declaring our love for one another in her bed. And now, now I couldn't even bear to talk to her.

Did I still love her? Not even a question, of course I did. So much. But we were leaving soon, really soon. As in a month from now, we would be moving on to new schools, new cities, new lives, and I was so afraid that her new life wouldn't include me. That thought was more than I could handle, her moving to Boston and falling in love with someone else. I wouldn't make it through that phone call, hearing her sweet voice tell me that she had met Luke or John or Jack, and he completed her, but that we would always be friends. I couldn't let that happen, and worse yet, I was afraid to actually talk to her, so I did the only thing I could think of and walked downstairs to the computer.

Once I logged on and opened my email, I was surprised to find one from Meredith.

_Hey Derek,_

_I just wanted to check on you and make sure everything was ok. I thought we were supposed to go out tonite, but you're not answering your phone. Anyway, please call me, or email me to let me know that you're ok._

_Love, Mer_

I once again swallowed hard at the end of her email. Distancing myself from her was going to be harder than I thought.

_**Mer,**_

_**Sorry about tonight and not answering my phone. I've been thinking a lot today, and I'm not sure that it's a good idea for you and I to date any more. I will always love you, but I think we will be better off as friends.**_

_**Derek**_

Clicking the send button on that was probably the hardest thing I had ever had to do, but I knew it had to be done. It was only a few seconds before I had a reply.

_Did something happen? Did I do something? It has to be something we can work through, right. _

My heart broke for her and my hands shook as I typed a reply.

_**We only have a month left of summer. And then we're moving, to new cities, new schools, and new lives.**_

_And this new life won't include me?_

_**It's not that Meredith. I want my life always to include you. My fear is that we are moving to different cities and we won't be able to have a relationship that way.**_

_There's email, we seem to be talking a lot over that right now. And the phone. And breaks. We can at least try it. What we have is special and I'm not ready to lose that due to geography._

I took a deep breath, and was getting ready to respond when my mom came up behind me. "It's getting late, Derek, you need to sign off and go to bed."

"Can I send one more email?"

"No, if I wanted you to send one more email, I would have said, 'Derek, you need to send one more email, sign off, and go to bed.'"

At that point, I knew there was no point in arguing. When mom meant business, she meant business. "Yes, mom," I grumbled as I signed off.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA 

"Derek!" I heard Kathleen yell from the bottom of the stairs, "your date is here."

"She is not my date," I said to no one in particular as I made my way down the stairs to where Kathleen stood with her boyfriend, Patrick, and his younger sister Megan.

"Hi Derek," said Megan, who immediately grabbed my hand and held on for dear life.

"Hi Megan," I said politely, while shooting daggers at Kathleen. This is the last time I do a favor for her.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA 

Finally, I think to myself as I pull into Meredith's driveway. I've missed her so much over the past few weeks. First I was on vacation, then Ellis hauled her off to some medical conference in New York, and then I went to visit my uncle. But finally, I'm back, just in time to surprise her for her birthday.

As I knock on the door, I can already hear the party in full swing. Mark opens the door to let me in, Jess not too far behind him.

"Oh. You're here." He says, closing the door behind me as Jess walks back towards the kitchen.

"I'm here." I tell him, eyeing him strangely. "It's Meredith's birthday. Where else would I be?"

"Exactly my question." He tells me before walking toward the kitchen as I follow, unable to disregard how strange everyone is treating me.

"Mer," I hear from the kitchen, "it's your party, and you can cry if you want to, but the birthday girl should never cry on her birthday."

"Thanks, Em," I hear Mer's soft reply.

Meredith was crying? Why on earth was she crying on her birthday? "Hi Mer," I said as I walked through the door to the kitchen taking her in for the first time. She was gorgeous. Her hair was curled and fell loosely around her shoulders and she wore dark jeans with a green tank top that was highlighting her curves perfectly.

"Hi Derek," she said, her voice void of any emotion. I moved to hand her the gift I had brought for her, but she motioned to the counter. "You can leave it there for now." She said, before turning to one of the girls from her track team. "Want to move this to the deck?" she asked.

"Sure," the girl replied. The two of them moved to get up and everyone else followed.

"What happened? Why do I get the feeling that she hates me?" I asked, pulling Jess aside.

Jess looked at me with the coldest look I had ever been given, despite growing up with four sisters. "Well, someone was nice enough to tell her about you and Megan? Was that her name?"

"What…I…"

"Don't tell me," she said, "It's not my heart that's broken or my birthday for that matter." She told me as she began to walk away.

"Jess, wait," I told her, grabbing her arm. "I love Mer, and I would never do anything to intentionally hurt her."

"Again, I'm not the one you should be talking to. But, for the record, if you wanted to break up with her, you should have made sure that she knew that, especially if you want to date someone else. Yes, she told me about the emails and Emily was nice enough to share your little date with Megan with her. She was really excited to see you before that." She finished, this time walking completely away from me.

Shit. Was all I could think. I had put up a wall to keep myself from getting hurt, and done what I thought was best for both of us, never did I even think that I would end up hurting her in the process.

As I made my way out on to the deck, I wondered what I was going to do to fix this. Moreover, I wondered if there was anything I could do to fix this. All night, I kept stealing glances at Meredith, barely able to stand how hurt she looked. All I wanted to do was wrap her in my arms and promise never to hurt her again.

The night wore on, and soon it was only Jess and I left at the house. I really wanted to make things right, but Meredith still looked ready to cry and Jess looked nervous with the awkward situation.

"I'm…I'm going to take off," I told the girls. "Jess, I'm sure I'll see you and Mark sometime this week." Jess silently nodded her head. "Happy Birthday Mer," I said, trying to wrap her in a hug.

"No," she said, and I pulled back in shock. "Just…just not right now, ok?"

I swallowed hard, "Ok, Mer." I said, "I'll call you this week." Still looking like she was about to cry, she nodded her head.

Figuring out how to fix this was the only thing on my mind as I drove home. I thought I wouldn't be able to take it if the distance wore us apart, but having my own stupidity end us, that was unbearable.

The house was eerily quiet as I crept back in. I was thankful that the other five members of my family had decided to leave for the weekend. Knowing it was far too late to call Meredith, I made a bee-line for the computer and turned it on. I could only hope that she would be checking her email.

_**Meredith,**_

_**Words cannot express how sorry I am about everything. I never meant to hurt you. I was only trying to do what was best for both of us and all I succeeded in doing was hurting you. And I never wanted to do that. I love you so much Meredith. I will do anything to fix this, I'm just not sure what that something is, or that you want to fix this. But know that I love you.**_

_**Derek**_

I held my breath as I clicked the send button and for what felt like an eternity after words, until an email from Meredith appeared in my inbox.

_Derek,_

_I love you too. But…but I'm so confused. I didn't realize that the emails meant it was over. You brought me a gift, you kissed me, you talked to me, why would you do that if we were over?_

_**Because I love you. I thought I could distance myself from you, but I can't. I love you more than anything, Meredith.**_

_Then why would you go out with another girl?!_

_**Because I was confused. I didn't know where we stood…and I was mopey. According to Kathleen. So she dragged me on a double date with her boyfriend and his little sister. It meant nothing. You mean everything.**_

_Hmmm….Derek mopey. Tell Kathleen I'm going to kick her ass._

I could practically see her smile and hear her laugh as she wrote that, and it felt good to know that she was cheering up, even if I didn't know where we stood.

_**Duly noted. But Mer, seriously, I love you. Only you. You mean everything.**_

_I love you too Derek. Can we do something tomorrow? Just us?_

_**Of course we can. It's 12:01 here, happy birthday Meredith. And someone is at the door.**_

_Thank you. Who's at the door?_

_**Addison and her flavor of the week. She's totally smashed. Not that I'm sober, but I can carry on a coherent conversation.**_

_Addison is at your house? What is she doing there? I thought she was going to Canada?_

_**I wish she was in Canada. I'm going to go…deal with this. I love you Mer, happy birthday. **_


End file.
